Subject: Star reveals "Twin Peaks" killer! (No spoilers here)
From: jgp@rutabaga.Rational.COM (Jim Pellman)
Date: 1990-04-25, 21:15
Newsgroups: alt.tv.twin-peaks

       Star lifts lid on the best-kept secret of TV's hottest new show!

           If you don't want to know who killed Laura on Twin Peaks,
                          don't read this story . . .

    (Gleefully reprinted without permission from 5/1/90 issue of The Star)

David Lynch, the director of the TV hit series "Twin Peaks," has hinted that he
won't reveal Laura Palmer's killer's identity during the six episodes airing
this season.

But STAR has obtained a videotape made by Lynch for sale abroad.  Eighteen
minutes of weird footage includes the answer to just who killed Laura, the high
school homecoming queen whose corpse was found at the beginning of the ABC
series.

In this version, FBI agent Dale Cooper gets an anonymous phone call telling him
to go to the hospital.  There he meets a mysterious one-armed man known as
Mike--a man viewers have already seen in an earlier episode, vanishing into the
morgue.

Mike directs Cooper to the killer's basement lair, where a wild-eyed man named
Bob is waiting.  Bob is the long-haired man Laura's hysterical mom has been
seeing in visions.

Bob yells out to Cooper:  "I will kill again."  Suddenly Mike bursts in and
screams: "Like hell."  He shoots Bob, who falls dead.  Mike also collapses in
pain and doesn't move.

What was the explanation of the letter of the alphabet found underneath Laura's
fingernail?  Before he dies, Bob explains that Laura was the last in a series
of murders and he was slowly spelling out his name: "Robert--that's my proper
name," says Bob.

In the European video version, the scene flashes forward to 25 years later. 
Cooper is sitting on a chair in a room looking at what appears to be Laura
Palmer, the dead woman, who's sitting in one of the other chairs.  A
strange-looking dwarf is in the room with them.

The dwarf claps his hands, looks at Cooper, then speaks in loony,
electronically scrambled tones.  A subtitle appears on the screen: "Let's
rock!"

The dwarf and Laura join hands.  The dwarf tells Cooper: "She's filled with
secrets.  Where we come from, the birds sing a pretty song--and there's always
music in the air."  Jazz music plays and a disco strobe light flashes.  The
dwarf begins to half-dance.  Laura rises, goes to Cooper and kisses him.  Then
she smiles and whispers in his ear . . . and that's it:  THE END.

Lynch provides few explanations.  And US viewers may never see the tape--a
series spokesman says it's unlikely the more bizarre scenes could be
incorporated into the US version, except as a dream sequence.  The producers
may also decide to change the identity of the killer.

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But you read about the European version on the Usenet first!

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          Sidebar:  Show turned cop and suspect into unlikely lovers

Two of "Twin Peaks" hottest stars are sizzling off-screen, too.  Kyle
MacLachlan, who plays FBI agent Dale Cooper, and Lara Flynn Boyle, who plays
the troubled school girl Donna Hayward, fell hard for one another while filming
the bizarre show in Snoqualmie, Wash.  Kyle is 31.  Lara is just 19.

"They'd sneak off into the woods for long kisses and watch the moon and the
stars at night after a long day's shoot," says a "Twin Peaks" insider.