Subject: TP: 900 phone line offers summary/clues?
From: jgp@rutabaga.Rational.COM (Jim Pellmann)
Date: 1990-10-10, 02:55
Newsgroups: alt.tv.twin-peaks,rec.arts.tv

(From the Los Angeles Daily News)

The makers of "Twin Peaks" have devised yet another way of divulging
information without actually putting it on the television show, which 
has rapidly become one of the longest and most unsatisfying teases on 
prime time.

To the collection of "The Secret Diary of Laura Palmer" and the tape
of Special Agent Dale Cooper's musings to the invisible Diane, add
the Twin Peaks Sheriff's Office Hot Line.

Dialing the hot line - (900) 860-0911 - costs $2 for the first minute
and $1 for each additional minute.  Receptionist Lucy Moran, Deputy
Andy Brennan and Dr. Haywood will provide information about last 
week's events in Twin Peaks, updates that change each Sunday morning.

In addition, during each call an unidentified mystery voice will
disclose new information and clues on events that will likely arise.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Here's what you get for your $4.

Transcript of this week's message:

Lucy:  Hello. Twin Peaks Sheriff's Station.  This is Lucy speaking.
       Boy, has stuff been happening or what?  I heard through the
       Meals on Wheels people (I used to help them on my days off)
       that Donna went to see this old lady, whose little kid
       took her creamed corn and held it in his hand, like it was
       just a bunch of corn . . . which I guess it was, except
       it was creamed, and that is just about the *worst*
       food in the history of the world.

       Speaking of creamed corn, do you believe that story about
       Deputy Brennan . . .

Andy (interrupting):  I like creamed corn.

L:  So now you're listening in on my calls!

A:  I was not.  I was just walking by the phone and it blinked.
    What are you talking about?

L:  I'm *trying* to tell the caller what's been happening.

A:  The fire department had it's annual hose race.

L:  Hose race?  Can we stick to business here?  Some of us are
    professionals.

    Then, Agent Cooper showed Ronette the drawing of Bob, the man
    in his dream.  And it was the man who hurt her *and* killed
    Laura Palmer.

    Then, Leland Palmer recognized him too from when he was a kid
    up at Pearl Lakes.

A:  Yeah, the third man at the train car.

L (sarcastically):  Real quick, Deputy.

A:  Then Agent Rosenfeld told Agent Cooper that his old partner
    Windham Earl has vanished.

L:  Deputy Brennan won't be joining us for any more of this
    conversation.  Now where were we . . .

[Static is heard for several seconds and then we hear the 
mystery voice (male), with dwarf's dance music heard in the 
background.]

MV: Hello.  Look, I gotta be quick.  Audrey Horne paid a visit on
    Emory Battis at One Eyed Jack's with some ice cubes and a
    vacuum cleaner and found out her father is the owner.  She
    tried to call Cooper, but got caught by Blackie.  Kids these
    days!

    Then Major Briggs told Agent Cooper that messages have come
    from outer space that said, "The owls are not what they seem."
    I think he took it quite well.

    Ben and Jerry have the ledgers from the mill.  They were going
    to burn them, but decided to roast marshmallows instead.

    Hey look, I gotta go.  Oh, one other thing.  I believe Donna
    is about to go visit this mysterious Mr. Smith.  I think it's
    a mistake.

    Goodbye.

[Static, music ends.]

Lucy: What the hey is going on with these phones?  Have you heard
      a word I've said?

Andy: I don't think you should be talking that way from the Sheriff's
      station, Lucy.

L (impatient):  Deputy Brennan, how nice of you to join us--again!

A:  I wanted to say that Hank Jennings used to be a Bookhouse Boy
    with Harry before he turned to a life of crime.

L:  Whew!  Man!  What is a person to think?

A:  Lucy, there's a smelt fry down at the VFW Friday.  Do you want
    to go?

L:  You mean those little fish that look like something you'd feed
    your cat?

A:  You get a whole basket.

L (sarcastically):  How romantic!  No thank you!

    Well, thanks for calling.  I'll be here next Sunday with more
    information.  This is Lucy, signing off.