Twin Peaks Usenet Archive

Subject: Twin Peaks Quote List
From: robertj@unreal.uucp (Young Rob Jellinghaus)
Date: 1990-11-07, 16:11

Bigger 'n' deffer... as always, if I missed any or got any wrong, clue me
in and I'll remedy the situation pronto.

Can you find the two quotes in here that are _not_ from an actual broadcast
episode of the show?

Have fun!

Cooper:  I'm sure the Sheriff will be able to recommend a clean place,
reasonably priced--that's what I need, a clean place, reasonably priced.

Leo:  Leo needs a new pair of shoes!

Ben:    Leland's daughter was murdered and the Norwegians left.
Jerry:  I'm depressed.

Waiter:  Your milk is gonna get cool...
Cooper:  (lying on his back, bleeding) OhKaayy

Cooper:  Look!  Ducks!  On a lake!  Ahhh.

Sarah Palmer:  I miss her so much.  I miss her so much!  I miss her so much!!!

Chief Norwegian (to Audrey):  Is something wrong, young, pretty girl?

Cooper:  Albert's path is a strange and difficult one.

Albert:  Agent Cooper, I am thrilled to pieces that the Dharma came to King
Hohoho, I really am.

Jerry:  We had those vikings by the HORNS!

Cooper:  Two eggs over hard.  I know, I know, it's hard on the arteries, but
old habits die hard--just about as hard as I want those eggs.

Truman:  You saw a giant?
Cooper:  Yes.
Albert:  Any relation to the dwarf? 

Pete:  This smoke inhalation is a nasty business.  I feel like someone taped my
lips to the tailpipe of a bus!

Jerry:  Marshmallows?!!  Ben, WHERE ARE THOSE HICKORY STICKS?

Pete:  Now let me get this straight... your _entire_ _country_ is _above_ the

Jonathan:  Blood brother, next time, I take your head off.

Donna:   Romantic, isn't it?
Harold: serves as a landing platform for pollinating insects.
Donna:   Romantic, isn't it?

Truman:  You know, I should take up medicine.
Cooper:  Oh?  Why's that?
Truman:  Because I'm beginning to feel a bit like... Dr. Watson.

Judge Sternwood:   So, Agent Cooper, how are you finding our little corner of
                   the world?
Cooper:     It's heaven, sir.
Judge S.:   Well, this week heaven includes arson, multiple homicide, and an
            attempt on the life of a Federal agent.
Cooper:     Heaven is a large and interesting place, sir!

Catherine:  I can't understand a word you're saying... you have a thing in your

Log Lady:  My husband was a logging man... he met the devil.  Fire is the
devil, hiding like a coward in the smoke.

Cooper:  Diane, last night I dreamed I was eating a large, tasteless gumdrop,
and awoke to discover I was chewing on one of my foam disposable earplugs.
Perhaps I should consider moderating my nighttime coffee consumption.

Catherine:  Everything here smells like fish.
Pete:       Well, you could try washing your socks separately.

Lucy:  All men in the world should be taken to a desert island and forced to
eat sand!

Ben:         So, here in Twin Peaks, health and industry go hand-in-hand.
Translator:  Healt ut industree di go hond-e-hond.

Mike:  He is Bob!  Eager for fun!  He wears a smile.  EVERYBODY RUN.

Cooper:  Did you know Laura Palmer?
Leo:     No.
Cooper:  How well did you know her?
Leo:     I said I didn't!
Cooper:   You're lying.

Jacques:  So Leo put the chip in her mouth, and say, "Bite the bullet, baby,
biiite the bullet!!"

Catherine:  Are you an ambitious man, Mr. Neff?
Mr. Neff:   One likes to think so.
Catherine:  One never knows.  There may still be a few T's left to cross.

Hawk:  I had to drink 3 pots of chamomile tea to find that out!

Cooper:  Good work, Andy.
Albert:  Yeah.  Woof.

Doc Hayward: Well, as your doctor, Leland, what the hell happened to your hair?

Jerry:  Is this real, Ben?  Or some strange and twisted dream?

Cooper:  So, how long have you and Hank been friends?

Log Lady:      You wear shiny objects on your chest.  Are you proud?
Major Briggs:  No, achievement is its own reward.  Pride obscures it.

Harold:  Are you looking for SECRETS?  Is that what this is all about?  Well,
maybe I can help you.  Do you know what the ultimate secret is?  ... Do you
WANT to know?  Laura did.
	The secret of knowing who killed you--

Nadine:  Ed!  You waiting for those drapes to hang themselves?

Cooper:  I think I saw a rabbit!
Truman:  Snowshoe rabbit.
Cooper:  Snowshoe!  Snowshoe rabbit!

Albert:  I like to consider myself one of the happy generations.

Andy:  They shot Waldo!

Log Lady(?):  Sometimes owls are big.

Cooper:  So... are you still seeing this... Dick?

Hawk:  One woman can make you fly like an eagle.  Another can give you the
strength of a lion.  But only one in a cycle of lives can fill you with glad-
ness and the wisdom that you have known a singular joy.

Cooper:  Wanna know why I'm whittling?
Truman:  OK, I'll bite.  Why are you whittling?
Cooper:  Because that's what you do in a town where a yellow light still means
	 slow down, not speed up.

Cooper:  Harry, I really have to urinate!

Ben:  If you will permit me, Sven, to repeat what you told me this morning
after your run--"My air sacs have never felt so good!"

Log Lady:  I do not introduce the log!

Jerry:  Look at what she gave me:   a whole leg of lamb!  You sprinkle some
garlic on that, some fresh mint, that's rotisserie heaven!

Cooper:  Sheriff, what kind of fantastic trees have you got around here?  Big,
Truman:  Douglas firs.
Cooper:  Douglas firs....

Jerry:  Here we have two ledgers and a smoked cheese pig... so which one are we
gonna burn?

Cooper:  Diane, I'm holding in my hand a small box of chocolate bunnies.

Leland:  Dance with me!  Please, someone, dance with me!!

Sarah Palmer:  Don't ruin this too!

Lucy:  Sheriff, it's Pete Martell up at the mill.  I'm gonna transfer you to
the phone on the table in the hall.  The little table, with the lamp on it--the
lamp that we moved from the corner?  The BLACK phone, not the brown phone.

Cooper:  They got a cherry pie there that'll kill ya!


Albert:  You listen to _me_!  While I will admit to a certain cynicism, the
fact is I am a nay-sayer and a hatchet man in the fight against violence!  I
pride myself in taking a punch and I'll gladly take another because I choose
to live my life in the company of Gandhi and King!  My concerns are _global_.
I reject absolutely revenge, aggression, and retaliation.  The foundation of
such a method... is love.  I love you, Sheriff Truman.

Cooper:  You and Laura had a fight last week, is that correct?
Bobby:   So WHAT!  If I had a fight with her, if I sang songs with her, if I
         went skipping ROPE with her--WHAT difference does it make?!?  I
         DIDN'T KILL HER!
Cooper (grins widely):  Bobby, here's how this works.  I ask the questions and
         you answer them!  Briefly!  And to the point!

Doc Hayward:  Nurse, I really mean it.  You better speak to that kitchen.

Andy:  I'm a WHOLE DAMN TOWN!!!

Cooper:  Man!  Smell those trees.  Smell those Douglas firs. 

Sarah Palmer:  Laura, honey, are you upstairs?

Nadine:  Love me?
Ed:      You bet.

Secretary at the Great Northern:  The Norwegians are leaving!  The _Norwegians_
are _leaving_!

Pete:  There was a fish... in... the percolator!

Truman:  Think they spotted us?
Cooper:  Gimme a donut.

Albert (in reference to Sheriff Truman):  Look, it's trying to think.

Secretary at the Great Northern:  Audrey, look what you've done!  Audrey....
Audrey, don't go in there--Audrey!

Cooper:  Diane, I've just entered the town of Twin Peaks.  Twelve miles south
of the Canadian border, eight miles west of the state line.  I've never seen
so many trees in my life!  As W. C. Fields would say, I'd rather be here than

Jacoby:  Bobby--did you CRY?!?

Hawk:  Good thing you guys can't keep a secret!


Jerry:  It's a baguette... with brie, and butter... I had six of these damn
things every day I was over there!

Chief Icelander:  Ben, I am so happy, I can't even tell you how much.

Lucy:  Agent Cooper, I've got a call for you from a Mr. Albert Rosenfeld,
sounds like long distance.  It has that open air sound, you know, where it
sounds like wind blowing... like wind blowing through trees....

Albert:  I've got compassion running out of my nose, pal--I'm the sultan of

Ed:  Nadine, don't you give up.  We'll just have to keep looking until we find
a patent attorney who understands drape runners.

Cooper:  Sheriff, we got a lot to talk about.

Jerry:  I'm in love... her name is Heppa... she's a giant snow queen with a
smile like a sunrise on an ice floe--you could go blind just _looking_ at this

Cooper:  There's a large group of insane men staying on my floor.

Mrs. Tremond:   I requested no creamed corn.  Do you see creamed corn on this

Ben:  Now let's get in there and get those cheese-eaters where they live.

Albert:  Mr. Horne, I recognize that your position in this fair community
pretty much necessitates venality, insincerity, and a certain irritating
manner of expressing yourself.  Superiority, however, is not a necessarily
inherent trait.  Therefore, please listen closely--You can have a funeral any
old time.  You dig a hole, you plant a coffin.  I, however, cannot perform
these tests next year, next month, next week or even tomorrow--I must perform
them now.    I've got a lot of cutting and pasting to
do, gentlemen, so please return to your porch rockers and resume whittling!
(Puts drill to Laura's forehead and starts drilling....)


Log Lady:  Shut your eyes and you'll burst into flames.
Truman:    Thanks, Margaret.

Cooper:  Twenty-four hour room service must be one of the premier achievements
of modern civilization.

James:  Would you like to play with fire, little boy?  Would you like to play
with Bob?  Would you like to play with _Bob_?

Pie-Eating Man:  Hot DAMN, that's good pie!

Albert:  Sounds like you've been snacking on some of the local mushrooms.

Pierre Tremond:  J'ai une ame solitaire.  -->  I have a solitary soul.

The Giant:  The things I tell you will not be wrong.

Cooper:  Harry, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret.  Every day, once a
day, give yourself a present.  Don't plan it, don't wait for it, just... let
it happen.  Could be a new shirt at the men's store, a catnap in your office
chair, or two cups of good, hot, black coffee.

Little Man from Another Place:  Let's rock!

Leland:  Sing hallelujah, c'mon, get happy--c'mon & chase all your blues away!

Albert:  Has anyone seen Bob on earth in the past few weeks?

Leland:  He would say, "Would you like to play with fire, little boy?"
Cooper:  That's our man.  

Mike:  In the darkness of future past, the magician longs to see.  One chance
outs between two worlds... fire, walk with me.

The Giant:  The owls are not what they seem.

Cooper:  This must be where pies go when they die.

Truman:  You must have the metabolism of a bumblebee!

Bob:  Catch you, with my death bag!

Truman:  Anything we should be working on?
Albert:  Yeah, try not dragging your knuckles on the ground when you walk!

Jerry:  Next stop:   Rocket Science!!!!

Albert:  I know, Andy, I know.  It's what we call a three-hanky crime.

Pete:  She's dead... wrapped in plastic!

Cooper:  DAMN good coffee, and HOT!

Albert:  Oh yeah?  Well, I've had about enough of morons and halfwits, dolts,
dunces, dullards and dumbbells--and you  yokel, you blithering
hayseed, you--you've had enough of me?

Cooper:  Short stack of griddle cakes, maple syrup slightly heated, melted
butter, slice of ham... nothing beats the taste sensation when maple syrup
 collides with ham.

Log Lady:  Come then!  My log does not judge!

Cooper:  Where does Bob come from?
Mike:    That cannot be revealed.

Cooper:  And as we all know from experiments conducted during the Korean War,
Diane, sleep deprivation is a one-way ticket to temporary psychosis.

Leland:  Mares eat oats, and does eat oats, and little lambs eat ivy... a
kid'll eat ivy too, wouldn't you?

Cooper:  So Harry, how long you been seeing her?
Truman:  (awestruck) How did you know?
Cooper:  Body language.
Truman:  Geez louise!

Cooper:  Harry, my dream is a code waiting to be broken.  Break the code, solve
         the crime.
Lucy: 	 (taking notes) Break the... code, solve the... crime.

Bobby:  Bills?  Forget about bills.  I'm talking about a new way of life.

Bob:  You may think I've gone insane... but I promise, I will kill again!

Rob Jellinghaus                 | "Next time you see a lie being spread or
Autodesk, Inc.                  |  a bad decision being made out of sheer
robertj@Autodesk.COM            |  ignorance, pause, and think of hypertext."
{decwrl,uunet}!autodesk!robertj |    -- K. Eric Drexler, _Engines of Creation_