Twin Peaks Usenet Archive

Subject: Yet More Quotes
From: (Gordon Davisson)
Date: 1990-11-11, 19:09

Here are some corrections and/or additions to Rob and Kathleen's quote
collections.  First, the corrections:

"Sheriff, it's Pete Martell, up at the mill.  Um, I'm going to transfer
 it to the phone on the table by the red chair, the, the red chair
 against the wall, uh, the little table, with the lamp on it, the
 lamp we moved from the corner.  The black phone, not the brown phone."
				-- Lucy Moran

"When did you start smoking?"
	"I smoke every once in a while.  Helps relieve tension."
"When did you get so tense?"
	"When I started smoking."
				-- James and Donna

"You wear shiny objects on your chest."
	"Yes, I do."
"Are you proud?"
	"No, achievement is its own reward; pride obscures it.  Cream?"
				-- Major Briggs and the Log Lady

Now, here are some quotes that I have more complete (or at least more
extensive) versions of:

"I have only been in Twin Peaks a short time, but in that time I have
 seen decency, honor and dignity.  Murder is not a faceless event here;
 it is not a statistic to be tallied up at the end of the day.  Laura
 Palmer's death has affected each and every man, woman and child,
 because life has meaning here, every life.  That's a way of living I
 thought had vanished from the Earth, but it hasn't, Albert; it's right
 here in Twin Peaks."
	"Sounds like you've been snacking on some of the local mushrooms."
				-- Dale Cooper and Albert Rosenfield

"Agent Cooper, I am thrilled to pieces that the Dharma came to King
 Hohoho, I really am, but right now I am trying hard to focus on the more
 immediate problems of our own century, right here in Twin Peaks."
	"Albert, you'd be surprised at the connections between the two."
"Color me amazed."		-- Albert and Cooper

"I performed the autopsy on Jacques Renault.  Stomach contents revealed,
 let's see, beer cans, a Maryland license plate, half a bicycle tire, a
 goat, and a small wooden puppet.  Goes by the name of Pinocchio."
	"You're making a joke!"
"I like to think of myself as one of the Happy Generations."
				-- Albert and Cooper

"How do you feel?"
"I believe it's customary to ask after the health of one recently plugged
 three times."
	"Thanks for asking."
"Don't get sentimental."
	"Who shot me, Albert?"
"My men are interrogating the hotel guests, the usual bumper crop of
 rural know-nothings and drunken fly-fishermen.  Nothing so far.  Oh, the
 world's most decrepit room-service waiter remembers nothing out of the
 ordinary about the night in question, no surprise there.  Senor Droolcup
 has, shall we say, a mind that wanders."
				-- Albert and Cooper

"Brother Ben, we've got two ledgers and one smoked cheese pig.  Which one
 do we burn? ...and it ain't gonna be my pig."
				-- Jerry

And, finally, here are some brand new quotes:

"Diane, it struck me again earlier this morning:  there are two things
 that continue to trouble me, and I am speaking now now only as an
 agent of the Bureau but also as a human being.  What really went on
 between Marilyn Monroe and the Kennedys, and who really pulled the
 trigger on JFK?"		-- F.B.I. Special Agent Dale Cooper

"You're quite a girl, Norma.  I'll bet you get all kinds of Romeos in
 here, uh, begging for favors.  How do you keep them from your door?"
	"I usually tell them I have a homocidally jealous husband
	 who's doing 3 to 5 for manslaughter, but he expects to be a
	 productive member of society real soon."
				-- Parole Officer and Norma Jennings

"I'll see you in your dreams."
	"Not if I see you first."
				-- Bobby Briggs and Norma Jennings

"Who's the lady with the log?"
	"We call her the log lady."
				-- Dale Cooper and Harry S. Truman

"Can I ask her about her log?"
	"Many have."		-- Dale Cooper and Harry S. Truman

"Harry, the last thing I want you to worry about while I'm here is some
 city slicker I brought into your town relieving himself upstream."
				-- Dale Cooper

"How ya doin' down there?"	-- Sr. Droolcup

"I will tell you three things.  If I tell them to you, and they come
 true, then will you believe me?"
	"Who's that?"
"Think of me as a friend."
	"Where do you come from?"
"The question is, where have you gone?"
"The first thing I will tell you is:  there is a man in a smiling bag."
	"Man in a smiling bag."
"The second thing is:  the owls are not what they seem."
"The third thing is:  without chemicals, he points."
	"What do these things mean?"
"This is all I'm permitted to say.  Give me your ring.  I will return
 it to you when you find these things to be true."
"We want to help you."
	"Who's 'we'?"
"One last thing:  Leo locked inside a hungry horse.  There is a clue at
 Leo's house."
"You will require medical attention."
				-- Giant and Cooper

"Diane, my recorder is on the table.  I am unable to reach it at this
 time.  I can only hope that I inadvertently pressed the voice activation
 button.  I am lying on the floor of my room; I've been shot."
				-- Cooper

"At a time like this, curiously, you begin to think of the things you
 regret, or the things you might miss.  I would like in general to treat
 people with much more care and respect.  I would like to climb a tall
 hill, not too tall, sit in the cool grass, not too cool, and feel the
 sun on my face.  I wish I could have cracked the Lindberg kidnapping
 case.  I would very much like to make love to a beautiful woman who I
 had genuine affection for.  And of course it goes without saying that I
 would like to visit Tibet."	-- Cooper

"Lucy, you better bring agent Cooper up to date."
	"Leo Johnson was shot, Jacques Renault was strangled, the mill
	 burned, Shelley and Pete got smoke inhalation, Catherine and
	 Josie are missing, Nadine is in a coma from taking sleeping
		"How long have I been out?"
				-- Harry, Lucy and Cooper

"You're not going anywhere."
	"Doc, when the will is invoked, the recuperative powers of the
	 physical body are simply extraordinary.  Just give me a couple
	 of hours to get dressed."
				-- Dr. Hayward and Cooper

"Sheriff, get your mind off Shelley."
				-- Cooper

"And it's another great moment in law enforcement history."
				-- Albert Rosenfield (after watching Andy
				   board himself in the head)

"Okay.  You were shot by a right-handed person, 5'6 to 5'10" tall, at
 a distance of less than three feet.  I'll have ballistics later this
 afternoon."			-- Albert and Cooper

"Meanwhile, one of your principal suspects is killed in his hospital bed
 and the other is shot in his living room.  You tell me: vigilante
 justice or just clean, country living."
	"Albert, where does this attitude of general unpleasantness come
"I'll have to get back to you on that."
	"Well, if you don't want two black eyes on a regular basis, I
	 suggest you make some kind of peace with a rural life."
"Great.  After the square dance maybe we can all take a hay ride."
				-- Albert and Cooper

"Andy, how's the nose?"
	"Not a mark on it; only blood squirted out."
		"Where do they keep his water dish?"
				-- Cooper, Andy and Albert

"Is he *on* something?"
	"Only what you prescribed.  I think he did take a little bit of
	 his food."
"My God, could that be it?"
		>blurp<		-- Dr. Hayward, a Nurse, and Jacoby's food

"Bobby Briggs."
	"What's he doing here?"
"He doesn't look sick."
		"Sheriff Truman, to see this kind of investigative genius at
		 work, it's just a real treat for me."
				-- Harry, Cooper and Albert

"Harry, when Albert finishes up at the Great Northern, we'll meet back at
 the station.  I'm ready to lay the whole thing out."
	"Rocks and bottles?"
"Chalk and blackboard will be just fine."
	"Jelly donuts?"
"Harry, that goes without saying."
				-- Cooper and Harry

	"Yes, son?"
"What is it that you do, exactly?"
	"That's classified."
"Oh."				-- Bobby and Major Garland

"Chopping wood?  Inside?"
	"Yeah.  You know Leo."	-- Jerry and Hank

"Hank, you leave the creative thinking to the brothers Horne.  You are a
 bicep.  Relax until we say 'flex'."
				-- Benjamin

"Diane, it's 11:55 pm, approximately 19 hours since the shooting incident
 which nearly caused me to make a premature purchase of the proverbial
 farm."				-- Cooper

"Sorry to wake you."
	"I'm not dreaming."
"I forgot to tell you something."
	"You were right about the smiling bag."
"The things I tell you will not be wrong.
 Better to listen than to talk."
	"I believe you."
"Don't search for all the answers at once.  A path is formed by laying
 one stone at a time."
"One person saw the third man.  Three have seen him, yes, but not his
 body. One only, known to you, ready now to talk."
"One more thing:  you forgot something."
	"What?"			-- Giant and Cooper

"So, which one do we burn?"	-- Jerry

"No messages, Deputy *Brennan*."
	"Listen to me, Lucy Moran, you just listen.  When the Tacoma Sperm
	 Bank was looking for donors, naturally I applied.  It's my civic
	 duty, and I like whales.  A routine physical examination revealed
	 that I'm sterile.  Sure, I thought it meant I didn't have to take
	 a bath, but the doctors told me the truth.  They told me I can't
	 have babies.  So what I want to know now, is why are you having
	 one and how?"		-- Lucy and Andy

"Sheriff Truman, I have Ben Horne on the phone for you.  Would you like
 me to transfer him to you -- well, not him but his phone call?"
	"Put him on, Lucy."
"Mr. Horne, this is Lucy.  I'm going to transfer you now into Sheriff
 Truman's office.  He's in there with Special Agent Dale Cooper.  Okay,
 so, hold on."
"Sheriff Truman?  I transferred Ben Horne to you.  It's the line with the
 light that's blinking."	-- Lucy and Harry

"Jerry?  Please kill Leland."	-- Ben

"I don't care about the money.  I don't want Leo home."
	"Leo is in dream-land.  We can stick him in a corner and hang
	 donuts from his ears."
				-- Shelley and Bobby

Human:    Gordon Davisson
UUCP:     {decvax,tektronix}!uw-beaver!uw-june!phastvax!gordon
Bitnet:   gordon@uwaphast