Subject: Latest Quote List! up to 11/17 From: robertj@unreal.uucp (Young Rob Jellinghaus) Date: 1990-11-18, 02:16 Newsgroups: alt.tv.twin-peaks,rec.arts.tv Well, here's the latest quote list, with quotes from 11/18. SPOILERS, if you haven't seen the episode yet. I received several quotes that stil aren't on this list, either because I didn't like 'em enough or because I lost 'em in a flurry of editing hell a while ago. As always, if you see anything you think is in error or any- thing you think is missing, let me know! Which two quotes in this list were never said on the show, and where _were_ they said? (Trivia question, for personal amusement only.) RAY WISE IS A GENIUS!!! I'm so happy Leland's character is developing into something TRULY TWISTED AND WONDERFUL! The golf bag??? aaaagh... and she was WRAPPED IN PLASTIC TWICE!!!!!! Too bad Pete missed it.... It's still a damn fine ride... let's hope it holds together! ------------------------------------ Cooper: I'm sure the Sheriff will be able to recommend a clean place, reasonably priced--that's what I need, a clean place, reasonably priced. Leo: Leo needs a new pair of shoes! Ben: Leland's daughter was murdered and the Norwegians left. Jerry: Did they sign? Ben: No. Jerry: We had those vikings by the HORNS! What HAPPENED? Ben: We're not exactly sure; they took the translator with them. Jerry: Sigh. Did you say Leland's daughter was murdered? Ben: Yes. Jerry: I'm depressed. Cooper: Harry, when Albert finishes up at the Great Northern, we'll meet back at the station. I'm ready to lay the whole thing out. Truman: Rocks and bottles? Cooper: Chalk and blackboard will be just fine. Truman: Jelly donuts? Cooper: Harry, that goes without saying. Andy: Lucy! Lucy: What? Andy: Lucy: Andy? Senor Droolcup: Your milk is gonna get cool... Cooper (lying on his back, bleeding): OhKaayy Sarah Palmer: I miss her so much. I miss her so much! I miss her so much!!! Cooper: Sheriff, get your mind off Shelley. Chief Norwegian (to Audrey): Is something wrong, young, pretty girl? Cooper: Albert's path is a strange and difficult one. Dick: I lost your number.... Lucy: I work at the sheriff's office! You could have dialed 911! Albert: Agent Cooper, I am thrilled to pieces that the Dharma came to King Hohoho, I really am, but right now I am trying hard to focus on the more immediate problems of our own century, right here in Twin Peaks. Cooper: Albert, you'd be surprised at the connections between the two. Albert: Color me amazed. Bobby (to Leo): Quit spittin', man! Truman: You saw a giant? Cooper: Yes. Albert: Any relation to the dwarf? Hawk: Some of my best friends are white people! Pete: This smoke inhalation is a nasty business. I feel like someone taped my lips to the tailpipe of a bus! Cooper: Two eggs over hard. I know, I know, it's hard on the arteries, but old habits die hard--just about as hard as I want those eggs. Jerry: Marshmallows?!! Ben, WHERE are those HICKORY STICKS? Cooper: Look! Ducks! On a lake! Ahhh. Pete: Now let me get this straight... your _entire_country_ is _above_ the _timberline_? Jonathan: Blood brother, next time, I take your head off. Mike: This is his true face, but few can see it. The gifted--and the _damned._ Donna: Romantic, isn't it? Harold: Interesting...it serves as a landing platform for pollinating insects. Donna: Romantic, isn't it? Truman: You know, I should take up medicine. Cooper: Oh? Why's that? Truman: Because I'm beginning to feel a bit like... Dr. Watson. Leland: Just call me Fred! Judge Sternwood: So, Agent Cooper, how are you finding our little corner of the world? Cooper: It's heaven, sir. Judge S.: Well, this week heaven includes arson, multiple homicide, and an attempt on the life of a Federal agent. Cooper: Heaven is a large and interesting place, sir! Catherine: I can't understand a word you're saying... you have a thing in your mouth! Truman: What's going on? Lucy: Thanks to Jade, Gerard decided not to kill himself. And he's changed his will, leaving the Towers to Jade instead of Emerald. But Emerald found out about it, and now she's trying to seduce Chet to give her the new will so that she can destroy it, and Montana's planning to kill Gerard at midnight so the Towers will belong to Emerald and Montana but I think she's going to double-cross him though he doesn't know it. Poor Chet! Truman: What's going on _here_? Bobby: Doc Hayward said you needed familiar stimulants, so we figured, what the hell, kazoos. Cooper: It's a good idea to leave your troubles at home when you operate a motor vehicle, Leland. Log Lady: My husband was a logging man... he met the devil. Fire is the devil, hiding like a coward in the smoke. Jerry: Ben, as your attorney, your friend, and your brother, I strongly advise you get a better lawyer. Cooper: Diane, last night I dreamed I was eating a large, tasteless gumdrop, and awoke to discover I was chewing on one of my foam disposable earplugs. Perhaps I should consider moderating my nighttime coffee consumption. Catherine: Everything here smells like fish. Pete: Well, you could try washing your socks separately. Ben: So, here in Twin Peaks, health and industry go hand-in-hand. Translator: Healt ut industree di go hond-e-hond. Mike: He is BOB! Eager for fun! He wears a smile. EVERYBODY RUN. Cooper: Did you know Laura Palmer? Leo: No. Cooper: How well did you know her? Leo: I said I didn't! Cooper (smiling): You're lying. Ben: What's she want?! I'll pay anything! What's she _want_??!! Pete: You OK there, Benjy? Jacques: So Leo put the chip in her mouth, and say, "Bite the bullet, baby, biiite the bullet!!" Cooper: In another world he might have been a seer or a shaman priest... here he's just a shoe salesman who walks with the shadows. Andy: Listen to me, Lucy Moran, you just listen. When the Tacoma Sperm Bank was looking for donors, naturally I applied. It's my civic duty and I like whales. A routine physical examination revealed that I'm sterile. Sure I thought it meant that I didn't have to take a bath, but the doctors told me the truth. They told me I can't have babies. So what I wanna know now is why are you having one and how? Catherine: Are you an ambitious man, Mr. Neff? Mr. Neff: One likes to think so. Catherine: One never knows. There may still be a few T's left to cross. Hawk: I had to drink 3 pots of chamomile tea to find that out! Which reminds me--can I be excused, sir? Albert: Okay, confining my conclusions to the planet Earth.... Pierre: Sometimes things happen just like THAT. Pete: And how do you take your coffee, Agent Cooper? Cooper: Black as midnight on a moonless night. Pete: Pret-ty black. Cooper: This morning, I will practice an extra twenty minutes of yogic dis- cipline, after which the pain is banished to a cul-de-sac in a remote suburb of my conscious mind. Nadine: Where are Mom and Dad? Big Ed: Whooooa! They're... out of town! Nadine: Oh. Okay! Leo: new shoes! Lucy: All men in the world should be taken to a desert island and forced to eat sand! Nadine: Ed! You waiting for those drapes to hang themselves? Cooper: I think I saw a rabbit! Truman: Must've been a snowshoe rabbit. Cooper: Snowshoe! Snowshoe rabbit! Jerry: Lord, what's become of us? Albert: I performed the autopsy on Jacques Renault. Stomach contents re- vealed, let's see, beer cans, a Maryland license plate, half a bi- cycle tire, a goat, and a small wooden puppet. Goes by the name of Pinocchio. Cooper: You're making a joke! Albert: I like to think of myself as one of the happy generations. Andy: They shot Waldo! Log Lady: Sometimes owls are big. Cooper: So... are you still seeing this... Dick? Hawk: One woman can make you fly like an eagle. Another can give you the strength of a lion. But only one in a cycle of life can fill you with glad- ness and the wisdom that you have known a singular joy. Cooper: Wanna know why I'm whittling? Truman: OK, I'll bite. Why are you whittling? Cooper: Because that's what you do in a town where a yellow light still means slow down, not speed up. Ben: If you will permit me, Sven, to repeat what you told me this morning after your run--"My air sacs have never felt so good!" Log Lady: I do not introduce the log! Bobby: Dad? Major Briggs: Yes, son? Bobby: What is it that you do, exactly? Major Briggs: That's classified. Bobby: Oh. Jerry: Look at what she gave me: a whole leg of lamb! You sprinkle some garlic on that, some fresh mint, that's rotisserie heaven! Cooper: Sheriff, what kind of fantastic trees have you got around here? Big, majestic-- Truman: Douglas firs. Cooper: Douglas firs.... Jerry: Brother Ben, we've got two ledgers and a smoked cheese pig... so which one do we burn? And it ain't gonna be my pig. Cooper: Diane, I'm holding in my hand a small box of chocolate bunnies. Leland: Dance with me! Please, someone, dance with me!! Sarah Palmer: Don't ruin this too! Lucy: Sheriff, it's Pete Martell up at the mill. Um, I'm gonna transfer it to the phone on the table by the red chair, the red chair against the wall. The little table, with the lamp on it--the lamp that we moved from the corner? The BLACK phone, not the brown phone. Cooper: They got a cherry pie there that'll kill ya! Gordon: COOP, YOU REMIND ME TODAY OF A SMALL, MEXICAN CHIWOWWOW. Albert: You listen to _me_! While I will admit to a certain cynicism, the fact is I am a nay-sayer and a hatchet man in the fight against violence! I pride myself in taking a punch and I'll gladly take another because I choose to live my life in the company of Gandhi and King! My concerns are _global_. I reject absolutely revenge, aggression, and retaliation. The foundation of such a method... is love. I love you, Sheriff Truman. Pierre: She SEEMED like a nice girl. Cooper: You and Laura had a fight last week, is that correct? Bobby: So WHAT! If I had a fight with her, if I sang songs with her, if I went skipping ROPE with her--WHAT difference does it make?!? I DIDN'T KILL HER! Cooper (grinning widely): Bobby, here's how this works. I ask the questions, and you answer them! Briefly! And to the point! Doc Hayward: Nurse, I really mean it. You better speak to that kitchen. Nadine: I am just so happy! OH!! I'm so sorry! There goes _another_ one!! Andy: I'm a WHOLE DAMN TOWN!!! Cooper: Man! Smell those trees. Smell those Douglas firs. Sarah Palmer: Laura, honey, are you upstairs? Cooper: Harry, I really have to urinate! James: When'd you start smokin'? Donna: I smoke every once in a while. Helps relieve tension. James: When'd you get so tense? Donna: When I started smokin'. Ben: Go away. Get out, go on! Go on! I'm going out for a sandwich. No! No! No! You can't do this! Cooper: It's already done. Nadine: Love me? Big Ed: You bet. Secretary at the Great Northern: The Norwegians are leaving! The _Norwegians_ are _leaving_! Pete: There was a fish... in... the percolator! Log Lady: Wait for the tea! The fish aren't running! Truman: Think they spotted us? Cooper: Gimme a donut. Albert (in reference to Sheriff Truman): Look, it's trying to think. Secretary at the Great Northern: Audrey, look what you've done! Audrey.... Audrey, don't go in there--Audrey! Cooper: Diane, I've just entered the town of Twin Peaks. Twelve miles south of the Canadian border, eight miles west of the state line. I've never seen so many trees in my life! As W. C. Fields would say, I'd rather be here than Philadelphia. Jacoby: Bobby--did you CRY?!? Ernie: I never stole from a church! It was a savings & loan! Doc Hayward: You're not going anywhere. Cooper: Doc, when the will is invoked, the recuperative powers of the physical body are simply extraordinary. Just give me a couple of hours to get dressed. Giant: It is happening again. It is happening again. Hawk: Good thing you guys can't keep a secret! Little Man from Another Place: Llllet'srock! (ringing sound, shadow moves across the curtains) LMFAP: That gum you liike is goinng to kum bak in styyle. (looks at Laura) Shee's mi couzin. Butt doesn't she look--almostt exactly--like Lowra Powlmer? Cooper: But, it is Laura Palmer. (to Laura:) Are you Laura Palmer? Laura: I feeel liike I knoww her, but sumtimes mi arrms bendback. LMFAP: Shee's filled with segrets. Where we're from, the birds zing a happy zong, and therre's always muzic intheair. Gordon: I BELIEVE IN SECRECY, COOP! Truman: You know, you are the best lawman I have ever seen. But Coop, some- times you think too much. Jerry: It's a baguette... with brie, and butter... I had six of these damn things every day I was over there! Truman: Lucy, you better bring Agent Cooper up to date. Lucy: Leo Johnson was shot, Jacques Renault was strangled, the mill burned, Shelley and Pete got smoke inhalation, Catherine and Josie are missing, Nadine is in a coma from taking sleeping pills. Cooper: How long have I been out? Chief Icelander: Ben, I am so happy, I can't even tell you how much. Lucy: Agent Cooper, I've got a call for you from a Mr. Albert Rosenfeld, sounds like long distance. It has that open air sound, you know, where it sounds like wind blowing... like wind blowing through trees.... Log Lady: We don't know what will happen, or when. But there are owls at the Roadhouse. Cooper: The Roadhouse. Something is happening, isn't it, Margaret? Log Lady: Yes. Albert: I've got compassion running out of my nose, pal--I'm the sultan of sentiment! Ed: Nadine, don't you give up. We'll just have to keep looking until we find a patent attorney who understands drape runners. Cooper: Sheriff, we got a lot to talk about. Jerry: I'm in love... her name is Heppa... she's a giant snow queen with a smile like a sunrise on an ice floe--you could go blind just _looking_ at this girl! Cooper: There's a large group of insane men staying on my floor. Mrs. Tremond: I requested no creamed corn. Do you see creamed corn on this plate? Pete: Catherine???? You look terrible! Just... terrible!! Just TERRIBLE!!! Ben: Now let's get in there and get those cheese-eaters where they live. Cooper: What did your log see? Log Lady: Tea first. Then be ready. Judge Sternwood: The woods are wondrous here, but strange. Cooper: Diane, it struck me again earlier this morning: there are two things that continue to trouble me, and I am speaking now not only as an agent of the Bureau but also as a human being. What really went on between Marilyn Monroe and the Kennedys, and who really pulled the trigger on JFK? Nadine: I am so happy, Eddie, I could just kiss you to death! Big Ed: Oh, boy, Nadine. Albert: Mr. Horne, I recognize that your position in this fair community pretty much necessitates venality, insincerity, and a certain irritating manner of expressing yourself. Stupidity, however, is not a necessarily inherent trait. Therefore, please listen closely--You can have a funeral any old time. You dig a hole, you plant a coffin. I, however, cannot perform these tests next year, next month, next week or even tomorrow--I must perform them now. I've got a lot of cutting and pasting to do, gentlemen, so please return to your porch rockers and resume whittling! (Puts drill to Laura's forehead and starts drilling....) Jerry: Is this real, Ben? Or just some strange and twisted dream? Gordon: WE'VE GOT A DIFFERENT PROBLEM HERE, COOP. TWO PLUS TWO DOES NOT ALWAYS EQUAL FOUR! Log Lady: Shut your eyes and you'll burst into flames. Truman: Thanks, Margaret. Cooper: Twenty-four hour room service must be one of the premier achievements of modern civilization. James: Would you like to play with fire, little boy? Would you like to play with BOB? Would you like to play with _BOB_? Pie-Eating Man: Hot DAMN, that's good pie! Albert: Sounds like you've been snacking on some of the local mushrooms. Pierre Tremond: J'ai une ame solitaire. --> I have a solitary soul. Bobby: Good thing we didn't light the candles! Cooper: Who's the lady with the log? Truman: Oh, we call her the Log Lady. Cooper: Can I ask her about her log? Truman: Many have. Ben: Temporary insanity, Leland? Hopefully, some of these people will be on your jury. You will be home free. Cooper: Harry, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. Every day, once a day, give yourself a present. Don't plan it, don't wait for it, just... let it happen. Could be a new shirt at the men's store, a catnap in your office chair, or two cups of good, hot, black coffee. Log Lady: We don't know where it will happen, or when. But there are owls at the Roadhouse. Cooper: The Roadhouse. Something is happening, isn't it, Margaret? Log Lady: Yes. Cooper: Harry, the last thing I want you to worry about while I'm here is some city slicker I brought into your town relieving himself upstream. Leland: Sing hallelujah, c'mon, get happy--c'mon & chase all your blues away! Albert: Has anyone seen BOB on earth in the past few weeks? Truman: You must have the metabolism of a bumblebee! Mike: In the darkness of future past, the magician longs to see. One chants out between two worlds, FIRE, WALK WITH ME. We lived among the people. I think you say...convenience store. We lived above it. I mean it like it is, and it _sounds_! I too was touched by the devilish one-- tattoo on the left shoulder. Ah, but when I saw the face of God, I was changed. Took the entire arm off. My name is Mike... _his_ name is BOB. BOB: Mike? Mike? Can you hear me? Catch you, with my death bag! You may think I've gone insane, but I promise, _I_will_kill_again_! Leland: He would say, "Would you like to play with fire, little boy?" Cooper: That's our man. Senor Droolcup: How ya doin' down there? Giant: I will tell you three things. If I tell them to you, and they come true, then will you believe me? Cooper: Who's that? Giant: Think of me as a friend. Cooper: Where do you come from? Giant: The question is, where have you gone? The first thing I will tell you is: there is a man in a smiling bag. Cooper: Man in a smiling bag. Giant: The second thing is: the owls are not what they seem. The third thing is: without chemicals, he points. Cooper: What do these things mean? Giant: This is all I'm permitted to say. Give me your ring. I will return it to you when you find these things to be true. We want to help you. Cooper: Who's "we"? Giant: One last thing: Leo locked inside a hungry horse. There is a clue at Leo's house. You will require medical attention. Cooper: At a time like this, curiously, you begin to think of the things you regret, or the things you might miss. I would like in general to treat people with much more care and respect. I would like to climb a tall hill, but not too tall, sit in the cool grass, but not too cool, and feel the sun on my face. I wish I could have cracked the Lindbergh kidnapping case. I would very much like to make love to a beautiful woman who I had a genuine affection for. And of course it goes without saying that I would like to visit Tibet. I wish that the Tibetan government would allow the Dalai Lama to return. Oh, I would like that very much. Giant: Sorry to wake you. Cooper: I'm not dreaming. Giant: I forgot to tell you something. Cooper: You were right about the smiling bag. Giant: The things I tell you will not be wrong. Better to listen than to talk. Cooper: I believe you. Giant: Don't search for all the answers at once. A path is formed by laying one stone at a time. One person saw the third man. Three have seen him, yes, but not his body. One only, known to you, ready now to talk. One more thing: you forgot something. Cooper: What? Giant: Albert (after Andy boards himself): And it's another great moment in law enforcement history. Cooper: This must be where pies go when they die. Truman: Anything we should be working on? Albert: Yeah, try not dragging your knuckles on the ground when you walk! Jerry: Next stop: Rocket Science!!!! Cooper: Can I ask her about her log? Truman: Many have. Albert: I know, Andy, I know. It's what we call a three-hanky crime. Pete: She's dead... wrapped in plastic! Cooper: DAMN good coffee, and HOT! Albert: Oh yeah? Well, I've had about enough of morons and halfwits, dolts, dunces, dullards and dumbbells--and you yokel, you blithering hayseed, you--you've had enough of me? Cooper: Short stack of griddle cakes, maple syrup slightly heated, melted butter, slice of ham... nothing beats the taste sensation when maple syrup collides with ham. Log Lady: Come then! My log does not judge! Judge Sternwood: Life is hard, dear. Still, it's harder in most places than in Twin Peaks. Cooper: Diane, it's 11:55 pm, approximately 19 hours since the shooting incident which nearly caused me to make a premature purchase of the proverbial farm. Log Lady: You wear shiny objects on your chest. Major Briggs: Yes, I do. Log Lady: Are you proud? Major Briggs: No, achievement is its own reward. Pride obscures it. Cream? Cooper: Where does BOB come from? Mike: That cannot be revealed. Cooper: And as we all know from experiments conducted during the Korean War, Diane, sleep deprivation is a one-way ticket to temporary psychosis. Leland: Mares eat oats, and does eat oats, and little lambs eat ivy... a kid'll eat ivy too, wouldn't you? Cooper: So Harry, how long you been seeing her? Truman: (awestruck) How did you know? Cooper: Body language. Truman: Geez louise! Giant: The owls are not what they seem. Cooper: Harry, my dream is a code waiting to be broken. Break the code, solve the crime. Lucy: (taking notes) Break the... code, solve the... crime. Bobby: Bills? Forget about bills. I'm talking about a new way of life. BOB: Leland says you're going back to MISSOULA, MONTANAAA!!! -------------------- -- Rob Jellinghaus | "Next time you see a lie being spread or Autodesk, Inc. | a bad decision being made out of sheer robertj@Autodesk.COM | ignorance, pause, and think of hypertext." {decwrl,uunet}!autodesk!robertj | -- K. Eric Drexler, _Engines of Creation_