Subject: Quotes List. From: al@cellar.UUCP (Alex Yentner) Date: 1991-06-29, 08:11 Newsgroups: alt.tv.twin-peaks As requested... Article 10671 of alt.tv.twin-peaks: From: statman@moray.ufl.edu (Chuck Kincaid) Newsgroups: alt.tv.twin-peaks Subject: Twin Quotes Message-ID: <1991Apr24.022830.17895@eng.ufl.edu> Date: 24 Apr 91 02:28:30 GMT Sender: news@eng.ufl.edu Organization: U. of Florida, Dept. of Statistics Lines: 341 Hello you crazy guys and gals :-), Here is the quote list finally. I just got my take home exams so I had a few other priorities. :-( The last one is the worst one of all, in my opinion. :-( As always, if you have suggestions, criticisms, etc. please do not hesitate to let me know. The e-mail address below is the correct one. Not the one given by the stupid news reader. Enjoy. :-) charles d. kincaid statman@stat.ufl.edu <-------##### Correct address statman@sole.stat.ufl.edu <--------###### NeXTmail if you dare --------------------------------------------------------------------- # Mayor: There's something wrong. This isn't right. There's something wrong here. --AGENT OF OZ-- [Cooper lies in bed in his room. Catherine is stroking his head. Andy, the Log Lady and the Man From Another Place are sitting around the bed.] Cooper: Auntie Em! Cath.: Auntie Em? Cooper: I must have been dreaming. It was horrible. We were all on Saturday's. Andy you were there. The Log Lady was there. The Man From Another Place was there. Cath.: Saturday's! That is a bad dream. All: Ooooh. Announcer: Twin Peaks is back on Thursday nights. Coop: Diane, Thursday nights. There's no place like home. Hawk: The man has a poor sense of recreation. # Lucy: Tomorrow is D-Day, Dad Day. Albert: Coop, about the uniform. Cooper: Yes, Albert? Albert: Usually, replacing the quiet elegance of the dark suit and tie for the casual indifference of these muted earthtones is a form of fashion suicide. But, call me crazy, on you it works. Annie: I lived in my head mostly. Cooper: That's not a bad neighborhood. Annie: There were some pretty strange neighbors. Judy Swain: An orphan, you know. Andy: Really? What happened? Did his parents die? WE: Cooper doesn't know the meaning of STALEMATE! # Mayor:Oh, my God, this guy is British or Bohemian or something. He's bound to fall for your charms. Nadine:I think I've gone _blind_ in my left eye! Cooper: Sure fire cure for a hangover, Harry. You take a glass of nearly frozen unstrained tomato juice. You plop a couple of oysters in there. You drink it down. Breathe deeply. Next you take a mound, and I mean a mound of sweetbreads. Sautee it in some chestnuts and Canadian Bacon. Finally, biscuits, big biscuits, smothered in gravy. Now here's where it gets tricky. You're gonna need some anchovies. Harry: Excuse me. [and rushes to the bathroom] Cooper: That should do it. Gordon: HARRY, THE BEST CURE I EVER CAME ACROSS FOR A HANGOVER IS RAW MEAT, AND PLENTY OF IT. YA BREAK AN EGG ON IT. ADD IN SOME SALTED ANCHOVIES, TOBASCO AND WORCESTERSHIRE SAUCE. [Harry, again rushes to the bathroom] IF YOU WANT WE CAN ORDER IT UP FOR YA. [Cooper and Gordon smile at each other] Harry: What do you recommend for a hangover? Annie: Teetotaling and prayer. Cooper: Good answer. Harry: I'll try some coffee. Ben: Sometimes the urge to do bad is nearly overpowering. # Cooper: Well, my symptoms suggest the onset of malaria, but I've never felt better in my life. Johnny Horne: Oouaaaahouaaaahouoooh! (Ed note: Sp? :-) Irene: Of all the people in the world, the best and the worst are drawn to a dead dog. Most turn away. Only the pure of heart can feel its pain. And somewhere in between the rest of us struggle. Audrey: They have women agents? Denise: More or less. Gordon: YOU ARE WITNESSING A FRONT THREE-QUARTER VIEW OF TWO ADULTS SHARING A TENDER MOMENT. [to Shelly] Acts like he's never seen a kiss before. Cooper: Uh, Gordon. Gordon: TAKE ANOTHER LOOK, SONNY. IT'S GONNA HAPPEN AGAIN. # Cooper: He has engaged us in subterfuge and red herring. A fish I don't particular care for. Denise: I may be wearing a dress, but I still pull my panties on one leg at a time, if you know what I mean. Cooper: Not really. WE: Tacit agreement is acceptable, Leo. Your silence speaks volumes. Or if not volumes, at least the occasional punctuated paragraph. # WE: Leo, it looks like you finally found your calling. Audrey: I've examined his will Jerry. If my father becomes incapacitated, it all goes to me when I'm old enough. And I am old enough and he is incapacitated. Play it my way either way or the only project you'll be developing is selling baseboard heaters at the local cash-n-carry. Jerry: What's happened to the man is a tragedy. Audrey: Yea, Jerry, it's a tragedy. Pete: Now if there's chessboards in Heaven, Jose's sittin' next to the Lord. Gordon: THE WORD LINKAGE REMINDS ME OF SAUSAGE. NEVER CARED MUCH FOR THE LINKS, PREFERRED THE PATTIES. BUT BREAKFAST IS A REAL GOOD IDEA. BONZAI. REMEMBER THOSE OLD WORLD WAR II MOVIES? BONZAAIIIII!!!! WE: AAAH, Damnation. Leo: Buuurrrrp. Dwayne: She killed him with SEX. # Andy: Styrofoam never dies for as long as you live. # Lucy: It doesn't? Dick: Oh she doth teach the torches to burn bright (Andy sighs) It seems she hangs against the cheek of night + Doc: Like a rich jewel in an ethiope's ear. Beauty too rich for youth, for earth too dear. Cooper: Harry, Windom Earle's mind is like a diamond. It's cold and hard and brilliant. WE: Once upon a time there was a place of great goodness called the White Lodge. Gentle fawns gamboled there amidst happy, laughing spirits. The sounds of innocence and joy filled the air. And when it rained, it rained sweet nectar that infused one's heart with the desire to live life in truth and beauty. Generally speaking a ghastly place, reeking in virtue's sour smell, engorged with the whispered prayers of kneeling mothers and mewling newborns, and fool's young and old compelled to do good without reason. heh, heh. But I am happy to point out that our story does not end in this wretched place of saccharine excess. For there's another place. Its opposite. A place of almost unimaginable power, chockful of dark forces and vicious secrets. No prayers dare enter this frightful maw. Spirits there care not for good deeds or priestly implications. They as like to rip the flesh from you bones as greet you with a happy good day. And if harnessed, these spirits in this hidden land of unmuffled screams of broken hearts offer up a power so vast that its bearer might reorder the Earth itself to his liking. Ah, this place I speak of is known as the Black Lodge and I intend to find it. Rusty T:Hey man, the story's cool, but you promised me beer. Dr Jacoby: What he needs right now is both your understanding and a Confederate victory. # Mayor: You put on a dress with a slit, oh, the slit cut halfway to Seattle. Dick: But what I'm trying to make clear is that using a stuffed animal to represent an endangered species as an ecological protest constitutes the supreme incongruity. Hawk: Maybe we'd better just whistle on our way past the graveyard. Doc H.: Is she sexually active? Ed: Active? Doc, I wake up every morning feeling like I got hit by a timber truck. Mike: Do you have any idea what a combination of sexual maturity and superhuman strength can result in. [Whispers to Bobby] Bobby: WHOOAA!! Ben: You'll have to excuse me. The chef just tried to stab Jerry. Albert: Get a life, punk. # Pete: Audrey, there are many cures for a broken heart, but nothing quite like a trout's leap in the moonlight. Dr Jacoby: Now what she does in fact possess is a heightened sexual drive and a working knowledge of technique, anatomy and touch that few men have ever had the pleasure of experiencing or the skills to match. Harry: Is it hot in here? Cooper & Hawk: Yea. Lucy: You can't do that! Pete (to Coop): My students. Lucy: Mr Martell, Andy moved his knight without doing the little hook thing. Andy: You don't have to do the little hook thing, that's optional. Pete: Andy, uh, the knight has to do the little hook thing. Andy: Every time? Pete: It's a privilege. No one else gets to make that move. Andy: Ok, Mr Martell. Lucy: I guess some people don't know quite as much as they think they do. Check! Pete: We forgot the weinies, all beef with the skin on `em. # Audrey: I'm a virgin. # Jack: A what? # Audrey: I want you to make love with me. # Jack: What? Here and now? # Audrey: It's your jet. # Jack: Thank God for that. Ben: I give you the little pine weasel found only in our tri-county area. It is nearly extinct. Jerry: They're incredible roasted. Andy: Once stimulated the female will respond in such a