Subject: Last episode rewrite - version 2
From: ceblair@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu (Charles Blair)
Date: 1991-08-14, 15:16
Newsgroups: alt.tv.twin-peaks

   [This is a fairly detailed rewrite of the first half of the last
 episode, filling in a lot of the details of my previous posting.
 It's a series of scenes, separated by asterisks.  

   I refer to Windom Earle as WE throughout.  There must be some 
 profound psychological significance to the different ways I refer
 to the other characters, but I'm not going to worry about it.

                                           Charles Blair]

   Major Briggs staggers into the Sheriff's station (Leo does not
 help him escape in this version).  The major brings a videotape
 showing Leo in distress and giving cryptic clues as to his location.
 Cooper must rescue Leo.  He is the only one who can figure out the
 clues, and he must go alone because of the danger.
 
    As Cooper leaves the station, WE watches through binoculars.  He
 seems especially interested in Cooper's coat.
 *******************************************************************
 
    Nadine receives a necklace with a card ``To the next Miss Twin
 Peaks from a sincere admirer.''

    Nadine (to Ed or somebody):  ``I don't know if I should wear it
 tonight.  Mike will be so JEALOUS.''
 *******************************************************************
    
    Cooper on his way to rescue Leo.  It takes a long time to work
 his way through an assortment of Diabolical Booby-Traps.
 *******************************************************************

    Exterior shot of the Lydecker veterinary clinic, now closed.  Inside
 is WE at desk.  He is wearing an Official Dale Cooper Wig.  He is
 working with a large tape recorder, with an elaborate network of 
 wires connected to a box with many knobs, which is connected to a
 much smaller tape recorder.  [this is essentially the same as a 
 scene with Gene Hackman in THE CONVERSATION]

    WE is playing over and over a recording of the scene in which
 Gordon welcomes Dale back to the FBI.  It gradually becomes clear
 that he is filtering out Gordon's voice, altering Dale's voice
 to normal volume, and recording the results on the small recorder.
 When he is finished, WE presses a button on the recorder and practices
 lip-synching ``Good work.''  Another button is pressed, and the 
 recorder says ``There's definite linkage here.''  Another button
 yields ``I want you to focus on the here and now.''  

   When he is satisfied with his tape, WE goes to a closet.  He
 ignores the Dale Cooper FBI Jacket and takes the Dale Cooper Raincoat.
 **********************************************************************
    Cooper rescues Leo.  I cannot think of a really good line for the
 first thing Leo says.  Here are some tries (suggestions welcome):

   ``I don't like birds either.''
   ``You look like you're wearing a tuxedo.''
   ``Can you recommend a good divorce lawyer?''
   ``Oh, you've saved me!''  (very exaggerated falsetto)
   ``Don't just stand there, read me my rights.''
   starts singing ``On the road again, I just can't wait to get back...
   ``Have I paid my debt to society yet?''
   ``Just put me in the cell next to Hank.''
 *********************************************************************
 
    WE disguised as Cooper at the Miss TP contest.  Harry asks what
 happened with Leo.  WE activates his small tape recorder and lip-
 syncs ``Pursue, capture, incarcerate.''  while giving a thumbs-up
 sign.  He is able to use ``Good work,'' and other pre-recorded lines
 to deal with most other conversation.  He keeps busy talking inaudibly
 to Dianne to avoid too many questions.  In emergencies, he says
 ``later'' through a mouthful of doughnut and waves his questioner away.

   Annie is named Miss Twin Peaks.  WE rushes up, embraces her,
 and escorts her offstage.  Annie does not realize something is wrong
 until WE accidentally presses a button on his recorder setting off:

     ``I really have to urinate.''

    Nadine sees Annie and WE struggling.  ``Can't you guys wait until
 you get to the parking lot to make out?'' 

    WE whips out what looks like Cooper's Dianne box and presses
 a button.  Nadine's necklace is a more powerful version of the thing
 Leo had, and she is knocked to the ground.

    Long shot, with WE dragging Annie away in background.  Camera
 closes in on Nadine flat on the ground as we hear the beating heart
 sound effect used in the attack on Jacoby.  Camera closes in on one
 of Nadine's hands.  We hear the roaring sound effect used in the 
 scene where Evelyn Marsh shoots Malcom as the hand clenches, then 
 opens, leaving holes in the floor.  The hand presses flat against
 the floor, pushing.

    Cut to scene of general chaos as the real Cooper comes in.  Harry
 and Andy are pointing in the direction WE has run with Annie.  Cooper
 rushes past somebody just starting to get off the floor...
 ********************************************************************

             TIME FOR A COMMERCIAL:

 LELAND PALMER: Boy, do I have a headache.  (takes some pain-reliever)

 enter THE EVERREADY BUNNY: HI! I just keep going and going and going...

 LELAND clutches his head as THE BUNNY bangs away on his drum

 (cut to a commercial for saran wrap)        

 back to LELAND.  He is practicing his putting indoors.  ``I feel
 much better now.''

   In the background is a closet, with one ear caught in the door.
******************************************************************
 
    A hospital bed.  Its occupant is wearing an assortment of casts
 and bandages.  Cooper.  The camera moves slowly along a table next
 to the bed.  There is a large trophy with a damaged statuette, and
 a card ``I'M SORRY.''  Further along the table is a chess set


+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+    This is MY Twin Peaks episode,
| r |///|   |///| n |///| k |///|  so we will get the chess details
+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+  right.
|///|   | q |   |///|   |///| p |
+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+    The camera shows the complete
|   |///| p |///|   |///|   | Q |  position, and stays on the board
+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+  long enough to allow interested
|///|   | b |   |///|   |///|   |  parties to copy it.
+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+
| p |///| P |///|   |///|   |///|    [Emanuel Lasker (white) won this
+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+  game in a simultaneous display.
| P |   |///| B |///|   |///|   |  The credits acknowledge
+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+  Special effects: Emanuel Lasker]
|   | P |   |///|   |///|   | P |
+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+
|///|   | K |   | R | R |///|   |
+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+

  With his free hand, Cooper is playing a tape.

  WE: ``Getting the enemy pieces to interfere with each other is
       a fundamental part of strategy, but it is a rare pleasure
       to see the theme in such a pure form...''
 ***************************************************************

   I'm not sure where we go from here.  One possiblity is that
 WE challenges Cooper to an out-of-body duel for Annie and/or
 the treasures of the lodges.  To start the process, Cooper takes
 a dose of Haliperidol concealed in one of the chess pieces.  We
 could then go into the stuff in the second half of the last episode,
 with Cooper staggering back and forth between different(?) rooms.

   I really want something else.  Every time Cooper has opened the
 door at the Great Northern, I've been expecting him to get shot
 again.  If TWIN PEAKS is to become a multi-season success, I would
 like every season to end with the ``Boom!  Boom!  Boom! (thud)''
 scene.

 FINAL CREDIT:  dedicated to a very good friend who is getting married